March 2nd, 2013 
Lorna D. Keach 
A few weeks ago, I was talking to a screenwriter pal of mine (because if you really want to understand creative misery, talk to one of those guys), and he said something that made me want to throttle him soundly about the neck. He said: “I can’t submit anything ’till I’ve registered my stuff.” He [...]
December 14th, 2012 Lorna D. Keach 
If you haven’t heard already, Random House made so much money with its ex-fanfic insta-classic 50 Shades of Grey that the publishing giant was able to give every one of its American employees a $5,000 holiday bonus. That’s a lot of eggnog. The arrival of such news—especially when compared to the publishing world’s usual we’re-all-going-broke moaning—compels this [...]
November 15th, 2012 Lorna D. Keach 
So, let’s talk about that gory maggot-infested undead elephant in the room: National Novel Writing Month. We might as well talk about it, because everyone else is. From Time Magazine to Salon, the Washington Post to Wired, the internet is very interested in why you should or should not try to write a novel in [...]
October 23rd, 2012 Lorna D. Keach 
Writers are like grass. They are the soft, nutritious layer of plant material layered over the floor of the entertainment industry forest. Writers support and nourish thousands of media species from books to movies to pop music while, at the same time, they’re stepped on and taken for granted. Then, like grass, writers are occasionally [...]
Posted in The Horrors of Horror Writing 
Tags: horror, hotel food, how to write, publishing industry, spiffydome, writer, writer advice 
5 Comments » September 23rd, 2012 Lorna D. Keach 
In my wildest dreams, I’m the shadowy robed figure at the head of a writer cult plotting to take over the publishing world. But instead of chanting “Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn…!” we’d all intone “Twelve point! Times New Roman! Twelve Point! One inch margins…!” Okay, so I have awhile to go before I’m good cult [...]
August 11th, 2012 Lorna D. Keach 
So, an unforgiving publishing wasteland stretches out before us. The only tools we have to survive are a busted hammer and a damp chocolate biscuit. And, we’re being mobbed by mutant duck salesmen. Wait, what? I think part one through four are starting to pile up on each other. Anyway, we have a book published, [...]
July 29th, 2012 Lorna D. Keach 
Sure, there are worse tortures than the dreaded book signing. Say, for instance, being force fed fire ants or gargling hot gravel. Swimming naked through fiberglass. Selling used cars. Lots of things are more painful than sitting behind a table, alone in a vacant bookstore, weeping into a pile of print-on-demand copies—but are any of [...]
July 6th, 2012 Lorna D. Keach Ah, now here is the real chance for a writer to find an audience; the book review. Anyone who’s ever glanced at New York Times will know The Book Review is a big deal. Once you get your book reviewed, you’re an instant blockbuster! They’ll sing praises to you in the annals of history, they’ll [...]
Posted in The Horrors of Horror Writing Tags: book marketing, book review, horror, horror fiction, horror writers, horror writing, pinhead, puzzle, writers, writing No Comments » June 22nd, 2012 Lorna D. Keach I’m not related to any used car salesmen. I’ve never personally known any used car salesmen. What I’m about to say might be terribly prejudiced, but sadly, it works to convey my point because the common perception is that used car salesmen are irritating, selfish money grubbers without the capacity to shut up. I don’t [...]
June 5th, 2012 Lorna D. Keach So, there you are: a newly published writer. You’re full of hope, swollen with pride over your accomplishments, and setting out into a new frontier. Congratulations! Hope the train ride was fun. Because as soon as you step off into illustrious Author territory, you’ll see the bleak and unforgiving landscape of The Market stretched out [...]